For days, a unique blend of St. Ignatius Loyola and R&B artist John Legend has been resonating in my mind. The profound words of the Suscipe prayer— “Whatsoever I have or hold, you have given me. I give it all back to you.”—intertwine with the soulful, minimalist chords of Legend’s hit, “All of Me”: “I’ll give my all to you. You’re my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I’m winning.” This personal soundtrack culminates in a harmonious duet between Ignatius and John, both declaring, “I give you all of me.” In quiet moments, I find myself humming Legend’s melody or softly repeating, “I give it all back to you,” a subconscious mantra.
This internal playlist speaks volumes. The past weeks have been deeply centered on the theme of surrender – releasing what was once in my care, what I once held close.
St. Ignatius Loyola and John Legend
Just last Tuesday, I watched my eldest son, Mike, walk towards the bus stop, his two heavy duffel bags trailing behind him. Barely half a block away, his figure blurred in the Philadelphia humidity, or perhaps through my own tears. He was embarking on a journey by bus, train, and plane to Ireland, to study at Trinity College Dublin. I found a small comfort knowing he didn’t have to squeeze the college’s lengthy name into his luggage alongside textbooks and linens. Then, on Sunday, I sat with my husband on a low wall outside a California dorm, as our youngest son offered us a firm yet gentle farewell. I return it all to you, O Lord. For years, my workday has begun with a cup of tea and the Suscipe, a daily offering of all I’ve been given, a plea for the grace needed for the tasks ahead. A quick “Amen,” and I’d set aside my teacup and prayer, diving into the day’s demands. Too often, however, within thirty minutes, emails would flood in, the phone would ring, and I’d find myself detached from the very support – both caffeine and grace – I had just invoked.
Yet, as this semester commences, bringing its usual tide of minor emergencies—student scheduling conflicts, temperamental classroom technology, and photocopiers groaning under syllabus loads—my persistent Ignatian-inspired soundtrack keeps me attuned to the countless subtle invitations throughout each day to return to God what I have been given. It reveals the myriad ways in which God’s grace surges forth in response to each small act of surrender. In releasing the significant things, I am newly discovering an awareness of the everyday graces. Even when I lose, I’m winning.
John Legend image by PopTech/Kris Krüg under (CC BY-SA 2.0). Alt text: John Legend performing at PopTech 2010, highlighting his passionate musical style and stage presence.
