For Mia St. John, the word “fight” carries a profound weight. As a five-time world champion boxer, she dominated within the ropes, but life threw punches far harder than any opponent she faced in the ring. Nothing could have prepared Mia St. John for the battles that lay ahead, particularly the devastating loss of her son, Julian, and subsequently, her former husband, Kristoff St. John.
In 2014, Julian, Mia St. John’s son, tragically died by suicide at just 24 years old. He had been struggling with depression and schizophrenia since his teenage years. This immense loss deeply impacted Kristoff St. John, Julian’s father and Mia’s ex-husband, who relapsed into alcohol addiction after years of sobriety.
The pain intensified when, in February 2019, Mia St. John received a distressing call from Kristoff, renowned for his role as Neil Winters on “The Young and the Restless.”
“I talked to him that morning and I knew what he was planning – he wanted to die,” Mia St. John bravely recounted to Know Your Value. “He just didn’t know any other way out. I tried to talk him out of it, and I was too far away from him. So, I had to call a friend to go and basically break down the door and get to him. But by then, it was too late.”
Kristoff St. John was found deceased at his home near Los Angeles. An autopsy report indicated that hypertrophic heart disease was the primary cause of death, with alcohol being a contributing factor.
Mia St. John with Kristoff St. John and their children Julian and Paris, a family portrait showcasing happier times before tragedy struck.
This second catastrophic loss propelled Mia St. John back into the grip of alcohol after 30 years of sobriety. “Once I got the call that he was gone, I ended up in a psychiatric ward twice,” Mia St. John shared, illustrating the depth of her despair. “I had lost my sobriety and tried to basically do what he [Kristoff] did, which was drink myself to death. And luckily my boyfriend and family put me in a hospital and saved my life.”
Now 54, Mia St. John openly acknowledges that her return to recovery was far from willing, admitting she was “literally kicking and screaming.” However, she now expresses profound gratitude for the intervention that ultimately changed her path. Her determination to regain sobriety was fueled by the need to be a pillar of support for her daughter, Paris.
Mia St. John understood that reclaiming her life required a dedicated focus on her own mental well-being. She tapped into the same unwavering resolve and tenacity that had propelled her to boxing stardom.
“When I was fighting, I would say you needed a two-by-four to stop me, because I would keep coming and coming, and I would never go down,” Mia St. John explained, drawing a powerful parallel between her boxing career and her life struggles. “And I had to keep that same mentality. I’m a fighter, I can’t let my son down, I can’t let Kristoff down, they wouldn’t want that for me. I couldn’t let my daughter down who is still with me. How could I do that to her – leave her without a brother, without a father and then without a mother? No way, I couldn’t do that.”
To solidify her sobriety, Mia St. John recommitted to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. She credits the organization as a cornerstone of her recovery, attending meetings regularly, sometimes up to five times a day, starting with a Zoom meeting each morning.
“Through meditation, doing my 12-step meetings and with the support of my daughter and my boyfriend, I was able to get back on track,” Mia St. John stated. This experience has driven her to advocate for seeking help in the face of loss.
“I have so many other mothers that I talk to who have lost children,” Mia St. John shared, emphasizing her desire to connect with and support others facing similar tragedies. “And I want them to know that you’re going to grieve – no alcohol or drug is going to change that, it’s only going to make it worse. And you’re going to grieve for the rest of your life – this is life now and you have to adjust to the new normal. But know that you can recover. There is hope after these tragedies. My life is never going to be the same again. It will be a different one, a new one.”
Seeking a healthy outlet to process her grief, Mia St. John began writing her memoir, “Fighting for My Life: A Memoir about a Mother’s Loss and Grief,” released in December. She found the process of chronicling her journey to be deeply cathartic.
“It felt good to get everything out, and to let people know that there is hope,” Mia St. John expressed. “It’s slow and there’s no easy, fast road, which is why I drank. I thought, ‘OK, this is the easier, softer way,’ but it’s not. It’s actually the harder way. The easier way is to just face it. I love the saying ‘the only way out of the storm is through it’ and you just have to go through it.”
The cover of Mia St. John's memoir 'Fighting for My Life,' a testament to her journey through grief and towards recovery.
Mia St. John’s story is a powerful testament to resilience in the face of unimaginable adversity. Her journey through grief, addiction, and back to sobriety offers a beacon of hope for anyone grappling with loss and mental health challenges. Her willingness to share her vulnerabilities underscores the importance of seeking help and facing life’s storms head-on.
If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text TALK to 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.
