John Carpenter. The name alone conjures up images of taut suspense, groundbreaking horror, and cult classic sci-fi. The director who gifted us with masterpieces like “Halloween,” “The Thing,” and “They Live” has earned a permanent place in genre filmmaking history. Even his lesser-known works often possess a certain charm or at least a memorable quirk. However, there’s one film in his extensive catalog that consistently gets mentioned in hushed, disappointed tones: 2001’s John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars movie. For years, whispers have circulated labeling it not just a misstep, but a potential career nadir. Could the man behind some of cinema’s greatest genre achievements truly create something so profoundly… bad? Driven by morbid curiosity and a love for Carpenter’s better works, I subjected myself to “Ghosts of Mars.” The verdict? Believe the whispers. This isn’t just a bad movie; it’s a bafflingly boring and derivative experience that manages to waste a talented cast and Carpenter’s own legacy.
Alt text: Ice Cube scowls intensely in a scene from John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars movie, highlighting his tough character amidst the film’s chaotic Martian setting.
The film stumbles right out of the gate with an excruciatingly long and confusing exposition dump. Natasha Henstridge’s character, Lieutenant Melanie Ballard, attempts to explain the preceding events to some unseen tribunal. This opening scene is so poorly conceived and executed that it’s genuinely difficult to follow. The narrative threads are tangled, the dialogue is clunky, and the overall effect is one of immediate disengagement. I found myself rewinding multiple times, desperately trying to grasp the basic setup, only to realize the story itself wasn’t compelling enough to warrant the effort. Adding to the initial awkwardness is a young, pre-shaved-head Jason Statham. While Statham has since become synonymous with bald, action-hero cool, his appearance here is merely distracting, another element contributing to the film’s overall off-kilter feel. Eventually, after what feels like an eternity, the rudimentary plot emerges: a police unit on Mars is sent to a remote mining colony to transport a dangerous prisoner, played by Ice Cube.
Alt text: A younger Jason Statham with hair is featured in John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars movie, a stark contrast to his later bald action hero image.
Upon arrival at the Martian mining colony, the supposed location of the prisoner and, one would assume, some semblance of plot progression, “Ghosts of Mars” descends into an abyss of nothingness. For an extended and agonizing period, absolutely nothing happens. The characters wander around the deserted colony, uttering lines about how deserted it is and how strange the lack of activity is. This sequence stretches on for what feels like an eternity, devoid of suspense, intrigue, or even basic cinematic interest. Carpenter, a director known for his masterful use of tension and atmosphere, inexplicably opts for extended scenes of utter inactivity. It’s a stark contrast to the brilliant pacing and suspense he crafted in “The Thing,” where even the quiet moments were laden with dread and anticipation. Here, the silence is just… silent and profoundly boring. The discovery of the prisoner, Ice Cube’s character, doesn’t inject the film with the much-needed shot of adrenaline. Instead, the characters continue their aimless wandering and repetitive dialogue, reinforcing the overwhelming sense of pointlessness. The urge to reach for a phone and engage in literally any other activity becomes almost unbearable.
Alt text: Natasha Henstridge portrays Lieutenant Melanie Ballard in John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars movie, delivering exposition in a scene from the poorly received film.
Eventually, mercifully, something resembling a plot point emerges. A character, inexplicably locked in some sort of robotic contraption, commits suicide in a spectacularly uninteresting manner. This event, seemingly intended to kickstart the narrative, instead serves as a microcosm of the film’s overall failings: dull, pointless, and devoid of impact. Following this brief flicker of activity, the film relapses into another extended period of nothingness. Then, finally, the promised “ghosts” of Mars make their grand entrance. It turns out the mining operation has unearthed ancient Martian spirits, which promptly possess the miners, transforming them into a horde of gothic cannibalistic marauders. Led by a figure seemingly ripped from a low-budget black metal music video, these “ghosts” lay siege to the colony. What ensues is a series of action sequences characterized by atrocious CGI and uninspired gunplay. The choreography is lackluster, the special effects are laughably dated, and the overall impact is far from thrilling. These action bursts are interspersed with long stretches of the protagonists hiding from the ghost-goth-cannibals, further diluting any potential momentum. Just when you think the ordeal is nearing its end, “Ghosts of Mars” throws another curveball – the decision to return and “finish off” the ghosts. This leads to yet another round of tedious gunfights, culminating in a poorly rendered CG explosion and a completely unearned sequel setup.
Alt text: Pam Grier, a veteran actress, appears in John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars movie, though her talent is considered underutilized in this critically panned film.
“Ghosts of Mars” is a genuine cinematic head-scratcher. The premise itself, while undeniably schlocky, holds a certain B-movie charm that could have been mined for entertaining thrills. Carpenter, however, inexplicably plays it straight, devoid of the self-aware humor and playful energy that often elevates his genre fare. Jason Statham, who built his early career on films heavily indebted to Carpenter’s style, is utterly wasted in a generic role. Ice Cube, despite being positioned as a badass presence, is ultimately inconsequential to the unfolding events. The film’s profound mediocrity is perplexing, casting a shadow even on Carpenter’s otherwise impressive filmography. It’s a film that, once seen, is hard to forget, not for its brilliance, but for its baffling awfulness. While classics like “Big Trouble in Little China” and “Escape from New York” remain testaments to Carpenter’s genius, “Ghosts of Mars” lingers as an unwelcome reminder that even masters can stumble, sometimes spectacularly. It’s the cinematic equivalent of discovering a hidden jar of questionable contents in the otherwise tidy apartment of a respected figure – a strange and unpleasant anomaly that slightly taints your perception of the whole. Avoid “John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars movie” at all costs; there are far better ways to spend your time, and countless superior films in John Carpenter’s own filmography to revisit instead.
