John Carpenter. The name alone conjures images of iconic horror and sci-fi classics. From the chilling suspense of the original “Halloween” to the paranoia-fueled masterpiece “The Thing,” and the socially conscious sci-fi of “They Live,” Carpenter has cemented his place as a genre filmmaking legend. Even films like “Escape from New York” and “Big Trouble in Little China” remain beloved for their sheer entertainment value. With such a stellar filmography, it’s almost baffling to consider that a film could be labeled not just his worst, but potentially one of the worst films ever made. That film is 2001’s “Ghosts of Mars.”
For years, whispers of “Ghosts of Mars” as a cinematic catastrophe have circulated, painting it as an unwatchable blight on Carpenter’s otherwise impressive career. Could the director behind such genre-defining works truly create something so irredeemably bad, even with a cast boasting names like Ice Cube, Jason Statham, and Pam Grier? The answer, unfortunately, leans heavily towards yes. “Ghosts of Mars” lives up to its reputation as an exceptionally poor film, but perhaps not in the laughably bad way one might hope for.
What truly sinks “Ghosts of Mars” is its utter lack of engagement and any discernible spark of the Carpenter charm that permeates his best work. Gone is the sharp wit, the underlying social commentary, or even the enjoyable schlock that can make a “bad” movie fun. Instead, viewers are subjected to a film that takes itself with deadly seriousness, despite a plot that quickly devolves into absurdity. Enduring “Ghosts of Mars” is a test of patience, a slow burn of cinematic boredom that few are likely to pass without reaching for the fast-forward button.
The film stumbles right out of the gate with an excruciatingly long and convoluted exposition dump. Natasha Henstridge’s character attempts to explain the preceding events to some unseen tribunal, but the delivery is so dry and the information so uninteresting that it’s genuinely difficult to follow. The opening fifteen minutes become a slog, requiring multiple rewinds just to grasp the basic setup. The sheer dullness of this introduction sets a grim tone for the rest of the film, promising a joyless viewing experience. Adding to the initial awkwardness is a young, balding Jason Statham, pre-shaved head iconic status, looking noticeably less imposing than his action star persona would later become.
Eventually, the threadbare plot emerges: a police unit on Mars is dispatched to a remote mining colony to retrieve a dangerous prisoner, played by Ice Cube. This simple premise is stretched thin across an agonizingly slow first act. Upon arriving at the colony, they find it deserted. What follows is an extended period of nothingness. Characters wander around the empty colony, repeatedly stating the obvious: “There’s nobody here,” “It’s so quiet,” “Something’s wrong.” This twenty-minute stretch of inactivity is bafflingly dull. Carpenter, who masterfully built tension in “The Thing” through unsettling discoveries in an isolated Antarctic base, seems to have forgotten that suspense requires something to be suspenseful about. The emptiness of the Martian colony becomes simply… empty.
The arrival of Ice Cube’s character, the supposed catalyst for excitement, does little to inject life into the film. Despite Ice Cube’s inherent screen presence, he’s given little to do beyond scowl and deliver generic tough-guy lines. The film continues its aimless wandering until a minor character dramatically self-destructs inside a robotic suit – a moment that is more confusing than impactful.
Finally, mercifully, something resembling a plot emerges. The mining colony, it turns out, has unearthed ancient Martian spirits (hence, “Ghosts of Mars”). These spirits possess the miners, transforming them into a horde of gothic, cannibalistic warriors, led by a figure seemingly ripped from a bad metal album cover. This reveal, intended to inject much-needed action, instead unleashes a series of poorly choreographed and laughably CG-laden gunfights. The action sequences are devoid of tension or excitement, a far cry from the innovative and visceral action Carpenter is known for.
Following these lackluster skirmishes, the film retreats into further stretches of inaction, as the protagonists hide from the “ghost-goth-cannibals.” Another uninspired gunfight ensues, leading to an escape from the colony, but the ordeal is far from over. In a baffling plot decision, the characters decide to return to the colony for a final showdown. This leads to yet another tedious and visually unappealing gunfight, culminating in a cheap-looking CG explosion and a tacked-on sequel hook that thankfully never materialized.
“Ghosts of Mars” is a film that defies easy explanation. The basic plot, while derivative, has the potential for classic Carpenter B-movie fun. Yet, the film plays it straight, devoid of the self-aware humor or stylistic flair that could have elevated the material. Jason Statham, in a role that feels like a pale imitation of Kurt Russell’s iconic Carpenter characters, is utterly wasted. Ice Cube, despite top billing, feels inconsequential to the overall narrative.
The film’s failure casts a strange shadow over Carpenter’s otherwise celebrated career. It’s a jarring reminder that even masters can stumble, producing work that is not just bad, but bewilderingly so. While classics like “Big Trouble in Little China” and “The Thing” remain untouchable masterpieces, “Ghosts of Mars” lingers in the filmography like an unwelcome houseguest – a reminder of a creative misstep that is best left forgotten. It’s a cinematic curiosity, perhaps, but one that offers little reward for those brave enough to venture into its Martian wasteland.
