My name is Br. John-Mary of Jesus Crucified, O.C.D., and my path to religious life, which began in 2015, was far from what I initially envisioned. Like many young people, perhaps like a John or a Mary you might know, the idea of religious life wasn’t even on my radar during high school. Growing up in a moderately Catholic household, faith was present – Sunday Mass, grace before meals, youth group – but pondering God’s plan for my life? That simply wasn’t part of my teenage aspirations. My sights were set on a different kind of future: a prestigious university, a successful career in engineering, the quintessential American dream with a large house, a fancy car, and the picture-perfect family.
After graduating high school, I enrolled at Auburn University to pursue wireless engineering. Looking back, it seemed like I had achieved everything I had ever desired. Academically, I thrived, earning a full scholarship and securing a coveted engineering internship. Socially, I was surrounded by great friends and a wonderful girlfriend. My life was full of exciting activities – racing with the triathlon team, performing in the marching band, living in a brand new dorm. To top it all off, Auburn’s football team even clinched the national championship that year! From an external perspective, I was living the dream. Yet, despite all these accomplishments and blessings, a persistent feeling of emptiness lingered within me. Something profound was missing, a void that material success couldn’t fill.
Interestingly, it was my girlfriend at the time, a devout Protestant, who inadvertently sparked a deeper exploration of my Catholic faith. Seeking a church community at school, she began attending Mass with me and my friends. Her genuine curiosity led to a barrage of questions: “Why do Catholics do that?” and “What is the reasoning behind this belief?”. To my surprise, I found myself unable to answer many of these fundamental questions. This prompted me to embark on a journey of discovery, delving into online resources, the Catechism, and Scripture. Over several months, my girlfriend and I engaged in countless discussions, dissecting nearly every major teaching of the Catholic Church. The more I learned, the more profoundly I fell in love with my faith. My attendance at Mass increased to several times a week, and I eagerly joined a Bible study group, hungry for more knowledge and spiritual connection.
That Lent, I decided to approach the season of reflection differently. Instead of the usual superficial sacrifice of giving up dessert, I committed to a daily practice of prayer, dedicating 15 minutes each day to connect with God. For the first time in my life, I began to pray consistently and intentionally, asking God directly, “What is your will for my life?”. And then, something truly remarkable happened. God began to answer. It wasn’t a dramatic, booming voice from the heavens, nor were there any miraculous signs. Instead, a subtle yet persistent desire began to grow deep within my heart. The thought, initially faint, began to solidify: perhaps God was calling me to the priesthood.
At the end of my freshman year, I made the difficult decision to end my relationship with my girlfriend, recognizing that I needed to create space for serious discernment about God’s calling. After my sophomore year, I took a significant leap of faith, leaving Auburn University to enter seminary and begin formal studies for the priesthood. The more I immersed myself in learning about my faith and deepening my prayer life, the more my love for Jesus intensified. And the deeper my love for Jesus grew, the stronger the pull towards a life dedicated to prayer became. It was during this formative period that I was introduced to the writings and lives of the great Carmelite saints: Saint Teresa of Avila, Saint John of the Cross, and Saint Therese of Lisieux. Reading their profound insights and learning about their deep intimacy with God ignited a similar longing within me. Eventually, through prayer and reflection, God revealed that it was by embracing the Carmelite vocation that I would find the profound intimacy with Him that my heart yearned for. I am eternally grateful for the gift of my Carmelite vocation – a life dedicated to prayer and service to the Church, lived in community with brothers who support and encourage each other on the path to holiness.
If you, like John or Mary, are wondering if God might be calling you to religious life, I urge you to make a conscious effort to pray every day. In your prayer, sincerely ask, “God, what do you want me to do with my life?”. You might be surprised, as I was, to discover that He will indeed answer you, guiding you on your own unique path of faith and purpose.
