Derek Whalen’s experience with Tommy John surgery is a powerful reminder that the road to recovery extends far beyond the physical. Like many young athletes, Derek underwent this procedure before even finishing high school. His story, however, is particularly insightful as it reveals his battles with self-doubt and anxiety, challenges that were eventually addressed through the increasingly vital field of sports psychology in baseball and beyond.
Shawn Brody: Let’s start at the beginning. Tell me about the injury – how did it happen?
Derek Whalen: It was during my 17-year-old year, but I actually tore my UCL when I was 16, just before turning 17. I was pitching for a travel team in Westminster, Maryland. I remember the exact pitch vividly. I was warming up to enter the game, and it’s almost unbelievable now, but I was warming up on a gravel driveway. It was just a fastball, and as I released it, I felt that pop – the one you hear about. Some say they don’t feel it, but for me, it was distinct. Numbness shot down my pinky and ring finger immediately.
Looking back, I had been sore for days prior, but at that point in my baseball career, I lacked proper guidance on arm care and training. We relied solely on natural talent. Being 15, I was still bigger and stronger than most, one of the top players locally. We pushed through pain, lacking the knowledge to manage it properly. I believe this lack of education was a major factor in my injury.
SB: When did you get the official diagnosis? Was it right after the pop, or was there a wait?
DW: Driving home from the game, I stopped because I had never experienced an injury where I couldn’t throw at all. Initially, it was misdiagnosed as a torn muscle, and I was told to rest for six weeks. It’s surprising how long it can take to get an MRI when you’re not a professional athlete. Dealing with insurance, X-rays – it’s a process just to get to the MRI. It wasn’t until a couple of months later that we finally got the MRI and the accurate diagnosis.
SB: I really empathize with that. Mine was also initially called a muscle strain, and I kept pitching on it. I know that feeling of thinking it’s not serious, that it’s minor—
DW: —exactly, thinking six weeks of rest and you’ll be back to normal. Then, nothing improves.
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SB: Where did they harvest the graft for your UCL reconstruction?
DW: They used my hamstring tendon from my knee. My surgeon wasn’t a fan of the Palmaris longus tendon. He described it as working with dental floss.
SB: (laughing) That’s reassuring!
DW: (laughing) Did they use your Palmaris longus?
SB: Yes, they did. So, upon hearing you needed Tommy John surgery, what was your reaction? How did you process that news?
DW: When they told me, I was honestly a bit numb. I wasn’t expecting it. My mom, I remember, was much more upset initially and cried a little. It didn’t really sink in for a couple of days, the extent of the rehab and what I was facing. Emotionally, it was a challenge. My primary concern was my college baseball aspirations. That was everything I was working towards. Now, missing my junior year of high school, everything was uncertain. I remember crying a few times just thinking about it.
It was a tough blow, but once I had the surgery and started rehab, my mindset became crucial to my physical recovery. I was determined to overcome it, never wanting to be someone who didn’t put in the work.
SB: Did you ever consider not having surgery, maybe giving up baseball, or was surgery always the clear path?
DW: Surgery was always the only option. At 16, baseball was my passion. I couldn’t imagine not playing in college, ending it there.
SB: What were your initial short-term and long-term expectations going into surgery?
DW: Short-term, it was about getting the surgery done and starting rehab immediately. I wasted no time. Even in my cast, I was using a stress ball, lightly squeezing it. I also started analyzing old pitching videos, trying to self-diagnose and understand the cause. Like many, I began to think about mechanical issues. Short-term expectations were rehab, hard work, and figuring out the problem. Long-term was to return, play college baseball, and have a full career.
SB: What emotions did you grapple with before surgery, and then after?
DW: Doubt crept in. Initially, my complications were more physical. Not intense pain, but I wasn’t the same pitcher, and I had to redefine myself. This led to emotional issues that snowballed. “Why can’t I throw strikes anymore?” Self-doubt grew, confidence plummeted. My teammates might have seen me as a head-case, and that perception started to become reality. This plagued my first two college seasons. It was all a learning process until last year. Confidence issues were definitely a major struggle.
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SB: How did the surgery affect your mental state? What was your biggest mental hurdle?
DW: Anxiety, definitely. I was very anxious throughout the entire process. It lingered until recently. Every time I pitched, every time I threw, I was incredibly nervous. It was hard to shake that off. Physical rehab was progressing, but mental rehab lagged behind.
SB: Anxiety was a big factor; did you experience depression? Did you seek professional help for either, and how did you cope?
DW: I didn’t take medication or see a doctor specifically for depression, but I did seek help through a program at Waynesburg during my sophomore year. The University of West Virginia sent a sports psychology PhD intern to work with athletes. Seeking that out was the best decision I made in my baseball career. It helped me relax, boosted my confidence in baseball, and those skills translated to life in general.
SB: Were you hesitant to seek help? Did it meet your expectations?
DW: I knew it was confidential, and initially only told close friends. So, I wasn’t nervous about seeking it, but I didn’t anticipate the impact it would have. After just a couple of sessions, I knew it was a great decision, but it exceeded my expectations significantly.
SB: Did Tommy John surgery make you resent or feel angry towards baseball? How did it change your perspective on the game?
DW: Absolutely, I almost quit. After my freshman year, with limited playing time, I considered transferring, it was practically decided. But then, in a playoff game against our rival, Washington-Jefferson, we were getting blown out. The night before, I’d come in to get the final out because our bullpen was struggling. The next night, with a depleted pitching staff and down by a lot, they put me in. I ended up throwing four no-hit innings. After that, my coaches urged me to stay – it felt like I couldn’t leave.
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I returned for my sophomore year, but things hadn’t really improved. Those no-hit innings as a freshman felt like luck in retrospect. I still lacked command and confidence. That summer, pitching in a men’s league, the same issues persisted.
I decided I was done. I stopped baseball workouts, started ‘Wolverine’ workouts, ready to move on. But at school, all my friends were still playing baseball. It had been such a huge part of my life. So, I decided to give it one last shot with sports psychology.
SB: Did you ever resent teammates during recovery? Feel alienated, or alienate yourself from them post-surgery?
DW: No, never. I’ve seen rehab guys isolate themselves, but I didn’t. My friends were a huge support system throughout my comeback. I’m still grateful for their support. I never resented or pushed them away; I was always open to talking.
SB: Undergoing surgery indicates talent, love, and desire to continue playing. Surgery then seemingly steals that ability, your defining passion. How did you cope with that? Did sports psychology help with this identity shift?
DW: How did I deal with feeling an identity crisis?
SB: Exactly.
DW: It brought on some depression, and a general lack of self-confidence. I equated baseball failure – and I used the word “failure” with my sports psychologist – to being a personal failure. Which was far from the truth. I had good grades, plans for physician assistant school, great friends, a good life. You can’t let setbacks in your sport define your entire worth. That was a crucial lesson.
SB: When you returned to the mound, did it feel the same? And are you okay if it doesn’t? What’s the feeling now when you pitch?
DW: I’m more than okay with it. It’s hard to recall exactly how it felt before surgery, it’s been five years. I’m definitely content now. I’ve never enjoyed baseball more because I’m so grateful to be playing again.
SB: Do you wish someone had warned you about the surgery’s realities, mentally and even physically?
DW: I knew one college player who had it, so I had some insight. But, more information would have been helpful. Not to deter me, but just to better understand what I was facing.
SB: Flipping that, what advice would you give someone facing Tommy John surgery?
DW: If I could speak to someone considering or just having surgery, I’d strongly recommend learning everything you can. About yourself, training, recovery – the physical aspects, but don’t neglect the mental side. That’s the biggest advice. Never stop learning about baseball. Tommy John surgery puts you in a unique group of players. It’s something that will set you apart for life.
SB: Your scar. Badge of honor, failure reminder, growth relic? Tattoo over it?
DW: Oh yeah, I got a tattoo. It’s definitely a badge of honor. It’s baseball stitches over the scar, similar to Steve Delabar’s tattoo. Above it, in lowercase, is the word ‘freedom’. A small bird is detached from the ‘m’, symbolizing something personal. ‘Freedom’ is the defining word of this whole journey. The freedom to have fun, not overthink minor adjustments, and just play loose and free. Having fun is huge for me now, it’s meaningful. I’m glad I got it.
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Shawn Brody is a contributor for Beyond the Box Score, producer of In Play, Pod(cast), and a pitcher recovering from Tommy John at Howard Payne University.
