A Hilarious Opening: Setting the Stage with Self-Awareness
Stewart kicked off his speech by immediately acknowledging the often-tedious nature of commencement ceremonies. His opening line, “Thank you Mr. President, I had forgotten how crushingly dull these ceremonies are,” instantly broke the ice and set a tone of refreshing honesty. He continued with playful banter about the choir and even his own attire, joking about his casual clothing being his “television off” style and humorously apologizing for not wearing the academic robes, while also cleverly complimenting the graduates enduring the Williamsburg heat in their regalia. He quipped about the “primordial life” conditions brewing under their robes, a vivid and funny image that resonated with the graduates.
This self-aware and slightly irreverent approach was quintessential John Stewart. He wasn’t there to deliver a stuffy, predictable speech. He was there to connect with the audience on a human level, acknowledging the shared experience of enduring long ceremonies and injecting humor into what can often be a formal and somewhat impersonal event. By poking fun at the ceremony itself and even himself, Stewart immediately established a rapport with the graduating class and their families, making them receptive to the more substantive messages to come. His disclaimer about language, promising nothing beyond “dock workers union meeting, or Tourette’s convention, or profanity seminar” levels, further showcased his comedic style and reassured any concerned parents in the audience.
The “Real World” and Its Problems: A Dose of Reality with a Twist of Hope
After accepting his honorary doctorate with a blend of genuine gratitude and self-deprecating humor (“as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better”), Stewart transitioned to a more serious, yet still comedic, take on the “real world” that awaited the graduates. He cleverly compared the sheltered environment of college to the realities beyond campus, highlighting the financial responsibilities and the absence of metaphorical “three-foot brick walls.” His observation about encountering people making “bricks out of straw and water” in the real world being a sign of poverty, not colonial reenactment, was a sharp and poignant social commentary wrapped in humor.
Then came the punchline, delivered with his signature deadpan delivery: “Let’s talk about the real world for a moment…I don’t really know how to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it.” This unexpected declaration, “We broke it,” served as a powerful and darkly comedic assessment of the state of the world. He elaborated on the “gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire” as contributing factors to this breakdown. However, Stewart didn’t leave the graduates in despair. Instead, he framed this broken world as an opportunity: “You fix this thing, you’re the next greatest generation, people.” This call to action, infused with humor and a hint of sarcasm (“war on terror—it’s not even a noun, so, good luck”), empowered the graduates and challenged them to take on the daunting task of repairing the world. He even jokingly added the incentive of praise from Tom Brokaw, further lightening the tone while reinforcing the magnitude of the challenge.
Personal Anecdotes from William & Mary: Connecting Through Shared Experience and Mediocrity
To further connect with the graduating class, John Stewart shared humorous anecdotes from his own time at William & Mary. He painted a picture of his less-than-stellar college days, starting with his initial, misguided reason for choosing the college: “as a Jewish person I wanted to explore the rich tapestry of Judaica that is Southern Virginia.” The punchline, realizing “The Tribe” wasn’t what he expected, landed perfectly with the William & Mary audience, known as “The Tribe.”
He continued with self-deprecating stories about his freshman dorm in the “bomb shelter” basement of Yates, his less-than-impressive physical appearance (“looked more like a container for a head”), and his “repugnant personality.” He even joked about his academic performance, or lack thereof, and his romantic misadventures. The culmination of these anecdotes was the admission, “I was mediocre here.”
This confession of mediocrity was not a downer; it was incredibly relatable and empowering. In a high-achieving environment like William & Mary, hearing from someone successful like John Stewart that he wasn’t exceptional in college was a powerful message. It normalized the feeling of not being perfect and emphasized that college success isn’t necessarily a predictor of future achievements. By sharing his own less-than-glamorous college experiences, Stewart humanized himself and made his subsequent advice all the more impactful. He subtly undermined the pressure to be extraordinary in college, suggesting that life’s path is far more winding and unpredictable.
Life Advice and Wisdom: Navigating Uncertainty and Embracing Experience
Stewart transitioned from humorous personal stories to offering more direct life advice, acknowledging the anxiety and uncertainty that graduates often face. He cut through the pressure to have a perfect plan, stating, “So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this. You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.” This simple yet profound statement was liberating. It validated the feeling of uncertainty and encouraged acceptance of the unknown.
He contrasted the structured environment of college with the open-ended nature of life: “College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.” This became a central, memorable message of his speech. He urged graduates to shift their focus from grades and results to the richness of lived experience. “So don’t worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.”
Stewart’s advice was practical and grounded. He encouraged competence (“Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age.”) and passion (“Love what you do.”). He advocated for letting go of excessive control and embracing the unpredictable nature of life (“And let the chips fall where they may.”). His words resonated with authenticity, coming from someone who had navigated his own unconventional path to success.
Optimism and Hope for the Future Generation: Finding Resilience in the Face of Adversity
Finally, Stewart addressed concerns about the preparedness of the new generation for the challenges ahead. He directly countered any notion of cynicism or apathy, stating, “I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met.” He shared a moving anecdote about visiting Bethesda Naval Hospital and being inspired by the young veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, emphasizing their strength and resilience.
To conclude, Stewart brought a sense of perspective and hope by recounting his experience of 9/11. He described the initial shock and fear, but then shared a darkly humorous anecdote about witnessing an ordinary, slightly absurd moment amidst the post-9/11 chaos. This story, while unconventional, served to illustrate human resilience and the enduring nature of life even in the face of tragedy. It reinforced his message that every generation faces challenges, and that humanity has a remarkable capacity to adapt and persevere.
John Stewart’s commencement speech at William & Mary was far more than just a graduation address. It was a witty, honest, and ultimately inspiring message that resonated deeply with the graduates and continues to resonate with audiences today. By blending humor, self-deprecation, and genuine wisdom, Stewart delivered a memorable and impactful speech that encouraged graduates to embrace uncertainty, value experience, and find their own path in a complex world. His unique voice and perspective solidified this speech as a standout example of commencement addresses that are both entertaining and profoundly meaningful, and a testament to John Stewart’s ability to connect with audiences on a deeply human level.
