It’s understandable why John Mulaney might establish boundaries regarding his personal life now. As Jason Zinoman aptly noted in his review of “Baby J,” Mulaney’s public image has undergone a significant transformation over the past decade. He evolved from a well-liked comedian into a cultural figure representing something more profound: the innocent figure amidst a problematic landscape, the contented “wife guy” seemingly not needing children, the relatable theater enthusiast. This perception shift became strikingly clear when he entered rehab, experienced a highly publicized divorce, and welcomed a child with actress Olivia Munn. The online reaction, and personal messages, indicated strong public sentiments. Mulaney, in a way, propelled the term “parasocial” into mainstream conversation.
Indeed, the concept of a parasocial bond is hardly foreign in today’s digital age. As Madison Malone Kircher pointed out in Slate during the widespread reaction to Mulaney’s divorce two years prior, people reacted intensely. However, it seems public expectations of celebrities have become increasingly unrealistic in the social media era. Private speculation about a public figure’s personal life is almost inevitable, especially in Mulaney’s case, given his past comedic material often featured his ex-wife. However, broadcasting this speculation across the internet, criticizing someone for actions that deviate from their established image, takes it a step further.
In the past, maintaining a distinction between a public persona and private life was simpler for celebrities. Bridging that gap required significantly more effort. Previously, accessing a comprehensive history of a celebrity’s statements about their marriage would involve laborious tasks like using microfiche. Now, a few clicks provide access to a wealth of talk show appearances and podcast excerpts. These snippets can be easily extracted and juxtaposed with perceived private behavior, leading to accusations of hypocrisy without considering context, backstory, or personal evolution over time.
Maggie Smith, the poet (not the Dowager Countess), recently released a bestselling memoir, “You Could Make This Place Beautiful,” which, like Mulaney’s stance, clearly delineates personal boundaries. Smith’s book, structured in short chapters examining her marriage’s dissolution from various perspectives, explicitly informs the reader that this is her curated narrative, not a complete disclosure.
This isn’t a tell-all because “all” is something we can’t access. We don’t get “all.” “Some,” yes. “Most” if we’re lucky. “All,” no. There’s no such thing as a tell-all, only a tell-some — a tell-most, maybe. This is a tell-mine, and the mine keeps changing, because I keep changing. The mine is slippery like that.
This concept is revisited throughout the book. Over a hundred pages later, she reflects, “Maybe this isn’t a tell-mine. It’s a find-mine. I’m out with lanterns, looking.” Smith suggests her former husband struggled with her success. In an interview with The Times’s Sarah Lyall, she revealed that her marriage fundamentally changed after her poem “Good Bones” gained viral popularity. Her husband’s infidelity is addressed with starkness: “Betrayal is neat because no matter what else happened — if you argued about work or the kids, if you lacked intimacy, if you were disconnected and lonely — it’s as if that person doused everything with lighter fluid and threw a match.”
Smith incorporates chapters titled “Some People Will Ask,” preemptively addressing imagined questions like, “Why didn’t you write more about [person x] or [event y]?” Her response emphasizes curation in memoir writing: “A memoir is about ‘the art of memory,’ and part of the art is in the curation.”
This act of curation is something everyone, from prominent figures like John Mulaney, regardless of John Mulaney Age, to everyday individuals, must navigate when relationships end. They must decide which stories to share and what to keep private—how to disclose information to specific audiences without compromising themselves or others. This can be particularly challenging and emotionally taxing in the immediate aftermath of a separation.
